Food 'Disorders' - Why Do We Do It?

Food disorders. Before I even begin this post, those two very powerful words have already instilled some 'notions' in our minds to what we believe food disorders are all about.

The entire 'disorder' breakdown is vast....and tough to decipher. Let's just talk about me instead.....

There was a point in my life where I really, really thought I knew everything. Clearly (very, very clearly now) I was mistaken. I'm still working towards total enlightenment - and isn't that what complete and total knowledge would be?

I remember hearing the term 'food disorder' for the first time in my life. It terrified me - I was raised a huge fan of food and now we had to be scared of it? I wasn't signing up for that one!

I have known self & medically diagnosed bingers, anorexics, bulemics and compulsive eaters. Let me start by saying that these people are people too. There are no judgements here - only observations and a desire to learn.

All of these technical, medical names for food disorders fall into the category of 'issues with food.' When I examine it more closely though, it seems to me that food is only one small facet - a vehicle through the fire so to speak.....so where's the fire?

*Insert smoky fade to the past here.....*

When I was very young, I had no issue with food - I LOVED FOOD - I loved the crepes with strawberries my Nan used to make when we'd visit her - complete with whipped cream and bacon on the side.

My childhood nickname was 'bacon face' and I loved it.....bacon...and the name.

Food was equated with love for me - and I felt really, really loved! I was never hungry - and cheese whiz on white toast always felt like home. In my mind it always will, I just don't have to keep eating it.

Steaks on the BBQ, community town hall dinners bubbling with mashed potatoes and slabs of roast beast....... and pig roasts at family gatherings - the world was filled with delicious food!

As soon as I didn't want to eat it I would be asked, "Do you know there are starving children in Africa?"

I always wanted to reply, 'So send this to them....I don't like liver.'

I never understood that. I wanted to scream that I was full (or it was liver), so give it to a kid who is starving! It made sense to me! Hurry! Africa is a long way away......

I loved getting my driver's licence - fast food drive-thru's were amazing! The bright lights, the thrill of scanning the menus and then - the big payoff. Indigestion in thirty minutes or less.......only it wasn't free.

One day, I realized that 'the collective' human race was teaching me how I should look, think and act. The media did it's job well on me! What I was hearing - it didn't go side by side with the foods I liked at all. I now loved all of this stuff (all the deep fried badness in the world) and now I was being told not to.

I was disappointed - no, I was pissed off - and I became rebellious.

Unfortunately, the flashy colors and media ads had also rooted deep in my cranial areas, and I was still 'hooked on food'. I kept telling myself this and I kept making it so.

I rebelled against those who thought I should look a certain way, how I should view the world and what foods I should and should not eat. My spirit and mind were hurt so I punished my body too.

I didn't eat right unless I was forced to - and the older we get, the less we are made to eat what is best for us. We are expected to learn how to care for ourselves.

Inside, I was terrified to miss a glass of milk in a day because the Canada Food Guide was screaming at me that I needed it. I couldn't stand milk! Cheese - that I could manage - and I would eat all the cheesy pizza I could instead of balancing a meal like we're supposed to. I couldn't stomach coffee, but learned to incorporate ice cold soda into my diet ever single day - more than 12 times a day.

Yes, I think that is a disgusting number too. Cringe away. If you can stomach it, my trek to the path of wellness story can be found here. I'm not saying I'm proud - I'm saying it is a lesson learned and for that, yeah - I am damn proud.

I still never categorized myself as having a 'food disorder.' I would have called it 'some crap going on in my life so I ate good tasting stuff to feel better.'

We can all create reasons to carry the past through to our present and further into our future - but that has actual weight to it! Everyone has a past and I was no different. All of the accumulated 'stuff' in my life hadn't been dealt with. There was a lot - at least there was when I went to sort it all out.

We grow to understand ourselves.

I've done other things as an adult to feel better too; shopping, drinking, smoking, sex. I wouldn't label any of them as 'disorders.' I don't believe any one of them were the driving forces behind why I did any of them. They were outlets available to me at the time for dispersing feelings.

I had many, many usable excuses to fall into bad food habits - but that still wasn't it. I still loved the bad-for-me food. We are meant to love the bad food - it is created so we do. Companies rely on our inability to decipher this for ourselves. I'm not special - or so pathetic that I can never change. Monsanto isn't an issue in the news these days for nothing. The term GMO didn't exist when I started eating bad foods - I was told soda wouldn't hurt me if it was diet. Instinctively, I probably never bought that - but I used it as a reason to carry on doing what I was doing......enjoying ignorance.

Ignorance can get you places you don't want to be - we learn this through experience. I am so excited for life's full range of experiences!

Back to the food.....

What we call 'food' is not even close to what it used to be. We are deceived into believing our food store products can't harm us - and that's just ridiculous nowadays. We know better because we are becoming aware.

The real problem wasn't ONLY the food choices I was making - it was that I wasn't dealing with the real issues in my life - I wasn't learning to love myself so I was drowning the real me in a huge vat of unchanged grease in an attempt to kill her. The choices I was making were for my demise, not my rise! I had to learn to care about what was going on inside my head, put the distractions of the world's negativity aside and face myself head on. I used my rebelliousness against myself for far too many years. It was time to turn the tide. I learned to find the balance.

I used to think food was magical.

Now I know food is magical - because I now realize what real food is.

Rock your day!

Tomorrow: Food 'Disorders' - Why Do We Do It? Part II.