It wasn't an obvious thing (that I'm aware of) but I remember having constant thoughts about making sure everything was just right.....always. I recall I wanted the kitchen sink at work to sparkle like silver in the sun and I worked my fanny off to make it so.
My own bedroom was another story - it was chaos for the most part, then I would reach a point where I had to meticulously go through the entire room - every closet and cranny - and clean it. I don't think this behavior gets me into the perfectionist category.......
I 'collected' stationary supplies and loved every one of them - new packages of fancy writing paper, journals I've never used and sketchbooks that sometimes go without sketches.
There was a time when the food on my plate couldn't touch each other. I had friends tell me I was insane - but it didn't feel insane to me at the time. A few years and a newborn later, the idea of taking the time to make sure my food didn't touch ended.....because I no longer gave it thought or energy. I had a baby to raise! I was lucky to get some warm food to eat at mealtime - life got busy.
There are probably many, many examples others could come up with when they think of me - thankfully no one reads this blog much yet (so feel free to pass it around) - but we live, experience things and learn from them. I am no different in that regard - I just type it out for the entire world to see.
I wanted to have it altogether and look like it too. I have no idea what my report card on this would have been but it used to feel like I never got there........because I never, ever could.
The goal is to learn - experience - live, laugh, love and all of that.
Nowhere in the fancy quotes of inspiration and motivation do we find sentences telling us to go forth and be 100% perfect....anywhere. We are all learning......
There are several things I did to stop this 'thought' process;
1.> I became aware of each thought. This didn't happen all at once overnight - we get better at it as we go along. If the idea of food touching on my plate entered my mind, I squashed it with other things. Immediately.
Totally Lame Example; "Ohhhh no - that corn is going to drip warm, watery juice into the cool salad."
Today I think........"I am so grateful that I have corn warm, watery corn and a cool salad!"
Instead of exhibiting control tactics over my food, I turned the negative into a positive and simply enjoyed the fact that I had some food at all. It may seem trivial and childish - but you haven't tried it yet. ;)
The standards of a perfectionist are always way up there too.....
2.> I set realistic goals - and yes, sometimes friends reminded me that I may not be able to do everything, but I certainly have to remember that I can always ask for help. I love a challenge and I believe that is the way I looked at things.....until the challenges became overwhelming and I felt like I was absent of coping skills.
3.> I stopped freaking out. It never helped....ever. We can learn to control our emotional responses.....I consider 'freaking out' to be an immediate emotional response.....so instead, I wait. If it is an emergency, I of course would do something proactive. You get the picture....
4.> Appreciate accomplishments instead of looking at the 'to do lists all the time.'
5.> LIKE YOURSELF. This one took me a LONG time - but you can read all about that in my book, The Fat Girl Now 50% Lighter.6.> Become Aware. I look back at who I was and think.....the old me would never have understood this - but eventually, I did. When the student is ready, the teacher arrives.....the same happens for all of us. One example - I literally had to learn how to stop and enjoy being alone and quiet. It was a sort of meditation without all of the flowery stuff. I kept it simple. I explored who I was....and became more aware.
7.> Put Others First. I used to have a really hard time with this one - now, it is just a given! I love how we change and grow - not just our bodies, but our minds and spirits too. We become who we are meant to be - who we really are when we put others first....plus it feels incredible!
8.> Schedule - or Don't. I remember carrying around a black appointment book that was always so stuffed full of crap that it needed to be held together with elastic bands. When '27 Dresses' came out and the perfectionist played by Kathryn Heigl appeared with her own appointment book, I cringed at the thought.
I would stuff it into my ginormous black purse (because black makes everyone look stick thin) and lug it around all day. I felt important - at first - it worked great - I wanted to fill in EVERY space!
I grew to loathe it - resent it - I always seemed to be attached to it and led by it and obsessed with it.....
One day, when I quit my city job to be a country girl again, I ceremoniously burnt the life from that frustrating, self created book and never looked back on it....until today.
I try not to 'schedule' anymore - I make only enough appointments that I can remember in my head or on a post it note on the fridge. We like to keep it as simple as we can - this means less stress too.
I like the me I have become - and will continue to 'become' through living, experience and the love I have in my life. Life is a balance and we are all on a mission to find our own. We all will - that's gotta be what it's all about!
Rock your day!
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