We hear the expression, "If I can do it, anyone can do it" all the time. I say it to this day and just like I would have done somewhere back in time, folks just refuse to believe you.
I was the type of gal who did what she wanted to. No regrets. I also decided (back when I was 19 years old) that cigarettes were the coolest thing I could get my hands on. I used excuses ('everyone is doing it') and things of that nature to allow myself to keep ingesting this poison. Looking back - woah.
The day I started smoking was the day my Grandfather passed away. I blame no one for my starting, it's not like I hadn't wanted to anyway. Once I decided to smoke, knowing how stubborn a person I was then, no one could have convinced me to stop - I'm sure they tried.
I smoked for many reasons - all of which were ridiculous....but they were my own reasons. None justified what I was doing to myself and 20 years would go by before I figured it out. I call this 20 year stretch my 'brain on pause' years.
I had tried many, many, many times to quit. I always snuck around, bummed off of friends who felt bad for me and then I would lie to others about it because I figured no one could detect the smell so how would they know?!
When our daughter was born, I did quit temporarily. It wasn't long until I was back on the smokin' saddle and feeling crappy all over again.
More years went by. No quit. I saw the new cigarette laws come in and learned to ignore the warning labels on them. Those disgusting photographs on smoke packs were just there for shock value. I justified it - and I thought I loved it. I think I loved having something to do - something that was always accessible and only mine.
At work all of my breaks went to this time consuming habit. I reasoned I would never get a break if I didn't smoke during mine. There was always a good excuse.
The day I actually quit - it was the strangest thing. I had tried so many times in the past - mostly for others. I had made every excuse I could possibly make to snag a smoke whenever I wanted to. Control myself? Will power? I didn't want to be responsible for this bad choice - yet here I was.
Hubby and I made a choice on February 14th - the day of love - to quit hurting our lungs, our lives and each other with this habit.. The next day, we woke up and never touched another cigarette again. I never even thought about it much. No cravings - no freaking out. Nothing. I had done it!
To me, it was the oddest 'quit' I had ever had up until that point. Attempting to explain it to anyone feels restricted - I can't seem to nail down the words I need to describe the feeling. Elated. Confused. Determined. Done. Those words definitely describe it.
Now, many people say that I quit 'cold turkey' and in a sense that's true.....but they didn't see the millions of justifications, excuses, bargaining moments and times that I had quit only to start again. I explained this to a friend once and she said, 'All of those moments led you to the right one - they were the tools you needed to succeed.'
I agree, but want to add this; I always had the tools....but now.....those tools I used changed. We all 'find the way' in life at varying stages of our own, but when I quit that amazing February day, I didn't realize I had finally decided to use the ultimate tool for success.
Myself. My thoughts. My choice. I was finally using my stubbornness to my advantage!
I changed the way I thought of cigarettes. I believe this had been happening in my subconscious for a long time - everything begins as a thought.
Decide what you want and accomplish it for yourself. You may be in awe at first...keep moving forward....by then you'll realize....you can do anything.
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