I Am!

I am a lot of things.

I am a person.

I am a dreamer, a do-er and a dancer. I'm a rock star most days and on other days I am the blue sky. I am the rustling of the leaves - or heck, sometimes I just want to 'BE' sitting in my yard enjoying a moment in the sun.........

I can be whatever I like. I am anything and everything in my own imagination and watch out - when it comes to imagination, I know how to use it!

I have a child who is 7 years old so I tend more to be things like an archeologist, a lemonade stand sales lady, a restaurant customer who has to eat play dough and drink what-the-hell-was-that orange glowy stuff or the walking holder for everything she decided to bring along that day.

Life is supposed to contain a tonne of fun and mine does!I am also the best mom EVER and the one she thinks of to scream for when daddy is scaring the crap out of her with fake bugs.

I love spending time with my husband - the laughter and ideas never stop. He is that 'second soul' I looked for in life.

I am open to new ideas, thoughts, processes, and discussions. I never would have reached my goals had I stayed close minded.

I am that 'crazy lady' who talks too loudly wherever I am. It is because I feel free enough to speak loud and clear. If you are standing there watching me, be warned - I may rope you into a conversation too.

I am that girl in the theatre who laughs louder than anyone and like it came from her toes. Laughter. It wants out - and so it goes.....

I am 'she' that loves thunderstorms, hard rain showers while the sun is shining and wind chimes. I love me a good set of wind chimes!

I am a fan of life, not celebrities. I cherish moments, not items I can purchase - although some are nice.

I am aware of life and how precious it is.

I am a positive thinker and a kindred spirit.

I am motivated.

I am a friend, a hard worker and a great board game player.

I am of good intentions and will think the same of you.

I am a source of knowledge - although some of the things you could learn from me might make you vomit (here's one blogged example - The Yuckiest Thing I Ever Tasted).

I love to learn and I think being a parent and maintaining your sanity is totally possible.



I am one who stands up for what she believes in and isn't afraid to say when things are 'wrong.'

I am - and I will continue to 'BE' for as long as I am able.

I am myself - and I love her!

I am proud. I am VERY proud.

I am Shawn.....and I am continually moving forward and getting better.

Nice to meet you. :)

Got Stress?

It's SUNDAY! The day of rest as they (whoever 'they' are) call it. I choose to rest whenever given the opportunity - but make no mistake - lazy I am not. Resting is a way of recharging the self - a regeneration like plugging in the batteries. Too many of us go-go-go-go and never stop to see where we actually are.

I just choose to avoid stress and stressful situations where possible - it is really that simple.

This blog post is an oldie - but a goodie. Enjoy!

There are a bazillion stress management techniques out there in that big old stress filled world. It's up to us to find ones that work for us - yet don't land us in prison for any length of time because we snapped and went too far. We are responsible for our own 'stress.'

I still find it so interesting that I could ask anyone on the street today to go out and find me a bucket of stress. A box....heck, an envelope...even a handful of stress is impossible to bring back to me. No one would come back with anything.......we can't see what stress looks like - although some would reply, 'Oh yeah? I look in the mirror and see stress....'

I found new, hilarious ways to deal with stress - ways normal (what....?) folks like us will love.

The first one is of Karyn Buxman. She is a motivational speaker, but this clip inspired me to share - hilarious stuff!

This next gal made me laugh for the full 12 minutes the clip lasted.

Her simple message had me rolling on the floor....'You're only here to distract yourself 'til you die.'

True, right?

I loved these two women.....

Leave your thoughts in the comments section.

Rock your day!

10 Amazing Things About Being Human

1.

Imagination

by Margaret Ann Lembo

I am so grateful we have the ability to daydream. The most incredible scenarios can be played out in our minds - and I know of more than a few people who enjoy imagining what they would do if they won the lottery or something life changing.

We create and change our world with positive and negative thoughts. Make them really good ones. Always remember to use the imagination for good not evil - negative thoughts can be as powerful as positive ones.

2.

Smiling

Smiling is the easiest way of communicating to another person that you are a positive creature. Have you ever walked by someone on the street that you didn't know and voila - you actually see their mouth tighten, squish together - and then a frown forms. 

Eyebrows drop - a clear indicator that a conversation or eye contact is not going to be welcomed in this scenario.

I love the 'smile experiment.' You simply smile at strangers and see what happens. I have had one woman laughing after my daughter and I decided to peek around the corners of aisles (and smiling) in stores wearing Halloween gear. A smile also makes people feel good - and that's all the reason we need.

3.

Love

If you know true, absolute and unconditional love - 

that's all I need to say.

It is a love that allows you to relax and know your true self. 

The best relationship you can have is the one where you know yourself.

4.

The Epiphany

 Definition: 

Any situation in which an enlightening or realization allows a problem or situation to be understood from a new and different perspective.

Life lessons in realization mode - epiphanies - whatever we call them, they are the slap in the soul we all need. These are the things that change us - hopefully for the better - and keep us moving forward.

5.

Vocal Cords

Some of you will be in agreement - and some of you will not.
Who knew that the ability for phonation would result in so many migraines, huh?

Men and women have different vocal fold sizes. Adult male voices are usually lower pitched and have larger folds. The male vocal folds are between 1.75 cm and 2.5 cm (approx 0.75" to 1.0") in length.^[2]

The female vocal folds are between 1.25 cm and 1.75 cm (approx 0.5" to 0.75") in length.

Folds are pearly white in color - more white in women than in men.^{[citation needed]}

The difference in vocal fold size between men and women causes a difference in vocal pitch. Additionally, genetic factors cause variations between members of the same sex, with men's and women's voices being categorized into voice types.

(Thanks, Wikipedia!)

6. 

Sex

When you get it right, you really get it right if you know what I'm sayin'.......keep in mind this list is in no particular order. 

Interesting fact: Did you know that the orgasm is also referred to by the French as 'Le petite mort?' 

It means 'the little death - after the feeling of transcendence and complete bliss felt immediately after orgasm. 

Also to note; 'le petite mort' is not only specifically used to refer to the orgasm.

I didn't just toss sex onto the list for fun (no matter how fun it can be) - there are so many health benefits to sex! Here are just a few:

*lowers stress and blood pressure

*strengthens our immunity (I kid you not)

*improves heart health

*boosts self esteem

*oxytocin released - we feel better

*we sleep better

Those are only the scientific reasons to have sex. ;)

7.

Babies

Yep - as soon as you mention sex (and how amazing it is) someone will throw in that sex is so we can have babies.

 Agreed - but those of us that choose not to have babies our entire lives still would like to have sex. It's allowed.

It is also so we can have fun and stay healthy as I mentioned before. Did you miss the above list in the 'sex' category? It is fun too.....but so are babies.

8.
Sleep

I find it so intriguing that every night, I lie down on a soft (and horizontal) surface and my brain fades into an unconscious state for hours - unless I have to pee of course. In that time, I can recall nothing that is going on around me - and for protection I have equipped myself with a square piece of cloth to keep my body temperature cosy while I recharge my system. I will wake up feeling much better.

It's so 'out there' when you think of it that way - but it is just that.

Of course, if you are complaining that you are not getting enough sleep - I'm going to assume that you are involved with too much of #6 - in which case I do not feel badly for you - or that you have now come home with a #7 - to which I say 'Congratulations - and it is a new way of living that you will grow familiar with.'

9.
Compassion

endlessloveandlight.com

10.
Opposable Thumbs

Yes, actually - I thought it was hilarious.

Rock your day!

SECRET POST: You'll Have to Click To Find Out

There are many subjects this 'secret' blog post could be about. It could be about the greatest time of year - Fall - and how our seasons are starting to change and bring with it the chilly, bitter winter air.....but then again.....................maybe it isn't.

No, that's not what this blog post is about.
Not at all.

It isn't about anything that will make you comfortable - but maybe part of learning life's lessons is in the being uncomfortable - outside that zone that you feel safe.

Are you ready to be shaken up? I present to you.....

Puking.

Yes, I said puking. AKA: vomit.

Vomiting (known medically as emesis and informally as throwing up and numerous other terms) is the forceful expulsion of the contents of one's stomach through the mouth and sometimes the nose.^[1] Vomiting can be caused by a wide variety of conditions; it may present as a specific response to ailments like gastritis or poisoning, or as a non-specific sequela of disorders ranging from brain tumors and elevated intracranial pressure to overexposure to ionizing radiation. The feeling that one is about to vomit is called nausea, which often precedes, but does not always lead to, vomiting. Antiemetics are sometimes necessary to suppress nausea and vomiting. In severe cases, where dehydration develops, intravenous fluid may be required.

Vomiting is different from regurgitation, although the two terms are often used interchangeably. Regurgitation is the return of undigested food back up the esophagus to the mouth, without the force and displeasure associated with vomiting. The causes of vomiting and regurgitation are generally different.

So yeah - puking. I don't love it - heck, I don't think I even really like it - but I do consider it a necessary and vital gauge of how our bodies are doing. If I am really nauseated though, I would gladly puke to feel better than stay in that gross feeling for too long.

Let's put it this way - there are two major routes for our bodies to immediately remove toxic wastes from our systems, allowing us to remain healthy, vital and energetic. If you haven't guessed already - those two things are vomit and diarrhea. Notice there aren't many visuals here today.

Diarrhea or diarrhoea (from the Greek διάρροια, δια dia "through" + ρέω rheo "flow" meaning "flowing through"^[2]) is the condition of having three or more loose or liquid bowel movements per day.^[3] The most common cause is gastroenteritis.

Oral rehydration solutions (ORS) with modest amounts of salts and zinc tablets are the treatment of choice and have been estimated to have saved 50 million children in the past 25 years.^[1] In cases where ORS is not available, homemade solutions are often used.

It is a common cause of death in developing countries and the second most common cause of infant deaths worldwide. The loss offluids through diarrhea can cause dehydration and electrolyte disturbances such as potassium deficiency or other salt imbalances. In 2009 diarrhea was estimated to have caused 1.1 million deaths in people aged 5 and over^[4] and 1.5 million deaths in children under the age of 5.^{[1](from Wikipedia)}

If we vomit, it is a direct and urgent signal from our bodies that whatever we have in there is not meant to be in there. Interestingly enough, most prescription medications come with a leaflet that tells you side effects - often these include vomiting and diarrhea. 

When your body involuntarily pushes something out of you - you should really pay attention!

The same goes for diarrhea.....your body wants it out - and now. What you have to say doesn't matter. It'll happen. 

Remember the movie Bridesmaids?

Time for seriousness - stop smirking. We're talking about vomit and diarrhea.

I think that's proof enough, don't you....and as funny as I thought this movie was - I gotta say I totally get it.

Years ago, I weighed 266 pounds because I regularly ate a diet of high sodium, high fat and high salt content foods. No secret - I've laid it all out for you here at The Fat Girl Now 50% Lighter.

My nutritional choices were non-existent because I didn't use my brain because I didn't realize I was avoiding caring about who I was. I had a busy life - a job I loved, a now ex-husband that I clearly didn't love and a mess of issues that I had carried throughout my entire life that had been stomped on, broken and now seemed unfixable.

I couldn't handle any more. I couldn't seem to do anything but soak my brain in a soda and carry on.

Wow, Shawn - what does this have to do with vomit and diarrhea?

Not much, but I thought the reasons I thought I had to stay unaware and unwell were good enough. They weren't. All of the above reasons were reasons for my hasty and poor food choices.....key word choices. I had them and I messed them up to the point where my regular diet was grease and salt.

I always had a great reason to eat crappy foods - the first and most important being that they tasted way better than those rice cakes I tried to choke down for lunch that one time. A Popcorn flavored rice cake. Now I understand how sad that is.

I would drink bottle after bottle of soda - never water - not ever. When I realized how large I had become and acknowledged that I didn't like it - I made a change. For me, it was huge - others laughed and were certain it would lead to nothing significant. I guess they were mistaken.

I switched from regular soda to diet soda - but I got far sicker far quicker. Then I was just confused.

The one interesting thing I noted was that when I ate these foods, I always got diarrhea. I recall one time that I headed to a fast food place with my Grandmother - I couldn't even get through the meal (if that's what that was) without hitting the washroom. As fast as I could eat it, my body was rejecting it. This was strange to me because I had eaten it almost all of my adult life. I should be used to it. I loved it.

Not once did I connect the food to what was making me sick. Not once. I was in complete denial about it because eating that rice cake - well - there was going to be hell to pay if I had to eat that.

Over time we learn - we grow - and I learned to look at my little victories for what they were - successes. I quit eating a regular diet of garbage, quit soda - I quit smoking like a chimney and drinking more than I should have. I started telling myself the good things about myself instead of the other things and I really started spending time enjoying being me. I hadn't known who that was for a really long time.

Everything starts with a thought - so if you have already done something (ie: eliminated soda) - congratulations! That is beyond what most thoughts become. You are now 'doing something positive for yourself' no matter if you view that as a large success or not.

So, I guess I should get to my point with this whole vomit and diarrhea post.

The point is - these fast fried and processed foods make you crap and puke. If that is happening to you, please stop eating them.

Listen to your body.

Now go forth and share this link - gross YOUR friends out too!

It's YOUR Fault.

An anti-rape video is directed at public figures who made controversial statements regarding the December 2012 gang-rape of a student in New Delhi. 

The video was made by four stand-up comedians who wanted to change the "massive misconception'' that women invite rapes. 

Time to sound off........leave your opinions in the comment section.

The Pink Breakfast Smoothie

THE PINK BREAKFAST SMOOTHIE

Thanks to mamaowlblog.com for the recipe!

Body Image Tip

NUFF SAID.

My Musical Confessions

Confession:

I have music that I like - music that I love and music that if someone doesn't shut it off, my tendencies for migraines may return.

Music is a series of wavelengths and I find that very interesting when you look at the phases of our lives and the music that is most familiar with that age group. Here is what I mean;

When we are babies, our caregivers hum or sing soothing songs to us to calm us down, make us feel safe or lull us to sleep.

As young children, songs are fun! I remember tunes like 'The Farmer in the Dell' and 'Three Blind Mice.' There always seemed to be some sort of a conundrum in these songs. I used to be quite fond of 'Ring Around the Rosie' until I learned (as an adult) it had actually been written about the Bubonic Plague.

I did find this write up about one of my favorite songs:

Ring Around the Rosie

When a person contracted the Bubonic Plague, they would gain rose-colored, puss-filled sores on their body called rosies. As the infection spread, rings would wind around the rosies. "Ring around the rosie," refers to these rings.

Pocket Full of Posies

During the time of the Bubonic Plague, people realized that it was harmful to go around the body of someone who had died from the plague. The common practice in some areas of Europe was to fill the shirt or jacket pocket of the deceased with posies so that others would know to leave the body alone.

"Pocket full of posies," was what would soon happen after the person started getting the rings around the rosie. Once the rings started to form, the undertaker would be called to prepare the posies.

Ashes Ashes

Once the body of the person who had died from the plague had been taken away, it would be burned. This is essentially when cremation started as a form of burial.

There was a lot of worry that extra handling of the body could cause people to get sick. There was also worry by some that the body would come back in the form of a vampire or some other type of the walking dead. Burning the body was the only true option they had.

We All Fall Down

It was believed by many that eventually that Bubonic Plague would wipe out all of civilization. It is understandable why they had this belief because of the number of people that were dying everyday from the Plague.

The Black Death killed off an estimated 20-35% of the population of Eurasia during its historic run. It was nearly impossible for anyone to not know at least one person who died from the Plague at the time.

This nursery rime has been with us for centuries, and will probably be sung for centuries more. It is interesting about how many people have sung this song without knowing what it meant.

Published by L. Vincent Poupard

YUCK!

Seriously? We had all been singing songs about plague death and burning bodies - and none of us had thought to ask or think twice.

'London Bridge is Falling Down' is either about a viking attack, child sacrifice or the age and damage of the bridge causing its demise. No one is certain. I personally don't require that particular knowledge.

When we are teenagers, our music tends to be whatever our parents can't stand. I admit, I used to listen to all of my parents cool albums around the age of 10 - I thought they were great! I still do - and much of my taste in music is because of the foundation they set for me.

When I was in high school - it was the 1980's. I apologize for this retrospective list of artists I listened to whilst a teenager. I call it 'The Melting Pot of Musical Mayhem.'

ARTISTS I LISTENED TO:

Bon Jovi

Skid Row

Def Leppard

Madonna

Samantha Fox

Roxette

Pat Benetar

Simon & Garfunkel

Wilson Phillips

Metallica

Alice Cooper

Aerosmith

The Rolling Stones

AC/DC

The list could go one forever - and it does - with some of the most embarrassing artists I dare not say I listened to. People think they know me - but here are 5 little known things about me and music that will certainly change the way you look at me.

1.> I once attended a 'Color Me Badd' concert because one of my two sisters couldn't go. THEY were going. I wasn't. For a reason.

I know what you're thinking - Color Me Badd? Really? 

It was like New Kids on the Block at the time - but they wore cartoon looking outfits and thought they were suave.

There was a lot of screaming female fans and flashing lights. I remember thinking I was so grateful I had been a 'Duran Duran Fan' - those guys were cool. Still are or so I hear.

OVERALL CONCERT EXPERIENCE: 

The good part: It ended.
The bad part: They opened for Paula Abdul. Straight up.

2.> I pleaded for tickets and willing went to a George Michael Concert - The Faith Tour. 

That was one of the best shows! 

Sadly, George went on to make headlines all over the news and shatter a dream of mine - but look at that facial hair and that pleather! 

Back in the 80's it was all about the look. He did it well. Plus the music kind of ticked off the parents so there was that.....

At this concert I remember George Michael slipped on a rose someone had tossed on the stage. I watched it happen.....he wasn't impressed.

OVERALL CONCERT EXPERIENCE: 

The good part: I bought the T-shirt, the album, the program the glasses, the chains and the whole idea that he really liked that shimmying lady on stage with him.
The bad part: He shaved the goatee.

3.> I saw 5 Bon Jovi concerts by the time I was 21 years old.

I remember being dropped off at BC Place Stadium and feeling such freedom! I think it was 1987 - I would have been 15 years old. There were giant banners of the group on the side of that ginormous building and my breath was gone. Awe had me!

(Seriously - look at that face!)

The band always put on a great show and I loved the variety between hard rocking songs and the slow, loving ballads. They hung it all out there for us and we couldn't get enough. Not only that, but the guy is one of the richest who is willing to share types. Read all about it here.

OVERALL CONCERT EXPERIENCE: 

The good part: Jon Bon Jovi and the whole group playing their best stuff. I even attended one concert with pneumonia. I wasn't missing that!
The bad part: I could have had better seats. Like on stage.....

4.> Alanis Morissette was the most boring concert I have ever been to - and I saw The Irish Rovers in Vancouver at Expo 86.

I remember there being a lot of hair flinging - of course, I saw her in her grunge days. She kind of interested me only because she was 'out there' but I lost interest after that concert....

....and I really preferred her a bopping teenager where she sang that cool song, 'Too Hot.'

You will love this. I had the same hair in Grade 12.

OVERALL CONCERT EXPERIENCE: 

The good part: I went with great friends.
The bad part: The hair flinging and Cranberry-esque screeching.

5.> I once caught a guitar pick from a Cheap Trick concert. Still have it.
OK - I didn't actually catch it myself - I paid the kid who did $2 and he more than willingly gave it up.

I still have it.

Music 'does things' to us - makes us move and creates feelings and emotional responses that can definitely change moods. I now know why I locked myself away with my music so often.

Experiment with your favorite tunes and find out why they 'get to you' too.

Rock your day!

Rock Your Chakras

I'm not sure I had even heard of a chakra 20 years ago.

If I had, it seemed foreign to me - something I'd have to travel to a far off land to see or visit in a museum.

 

When I discovered the world of chakras and began learning about balancing yourself mind, body & spirit and all of that good stuff - I found out that things were never in a far off land - they were always right there. I was the key.

 It's like Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz!

I had always wanted those ruby slippers......

When it came to learning about transformation - I found this simple diagram very helpful.

 

 

Rock your day - chakras and all.

The Yuckiest Thing I Have Ever Tasted

Last night over at The Fat Girl Now 50% Lighter page on Facebook (click here to get.....there) I posed the question, 'What Is The Yuckiest Food You Remember Trying?' Some of the answers were really gross - like goat's head soup. Wow - I have never even heard of it let alone had it as an option in a meal.

So the answers were sickening to contemplate at times, but we have to remember that someone eats this stuff on a regular basis (at least I imagine they do). They might like it. I might too if I actually tried it.

OK - so the next person we bring in to this story is my friend.....let's call her Rhonda because that is her name. She has been a very good friend of mine for years - and she always reminds me of some of the most horrible yet hilarious (now) experiences of my life.


Rhonda decided to leave a comment.

My good friend Rhonda.

She posted what I call a memory trigger - a hint at the something she knew would make my stomach curdle and my brains attempt to flee from the thoughts until I found myself laughing from the entire experience.

Her ploy worked perfectly.


<--------- Remember this face. The eyes. It is the expression I'm sure Rhonda sees when she thinks of this memory.

On to the memory.....

Here's what happened;

I worked at an amazing facility where we cared for teenage girls. Nuff said.

We had a young lady staying with us who loved to impress me - and she really did. She would draw me pictures and hang out and tell me stories and just generally want to be near me. All of this was fine. She loved using her imagination and creating elaborate stories that involved all of the staff and girls and for the most part, we all enjoyed listening to them.

She also really wanted to sit next to me at meal times.

Back then, one of my hang-ups was food touching on my plate and people who chew with their mouth open while dribbling food in places other than where it should be.

Yes, I realize how ridiculously psycho the food touching thing is NOW. We needn't get into that.

It is the other hang up that we are going to revisit. The food dribbling one.

As wonderful as this young lady was, she did the food dribble thing. I wasn't worried as she sat next to me but far enough away that I was confident she couldn't dribble anything that distance. Conversations flowed, we laughed and chatted.....

.....and then it happened. I didn't even see it coming.

 

There we were - all sitting around the table laughing and talking - and I wasn't paying attention when I grabbed my milk glass and chugged the entire thing down in one gluttonous gulp  'to impress the crowd.'

As I lowered the glass I saw the bottom had.........gunk in it.

Rhonda says you could see the realization hit my face. Remember the face - the eyes - I told you to remember earlier? Insert here.

That wasn't my milk glass.

I could have named this post 'The Yuckiest Thing I Have NEVER Tasted' because I'm pretty certain my body went into shock immediately to prevent my mind from acknowledging what had really just happened to me.

I don't remember the taste.

My stomach instantly started doing flips. I wouldn't let food on my own plate touch - and there I had just sucked back something that had already been chewed by someone else......and I had lived.

I still laugh about it - and Rhonda still keeps bringin it up.

Thanks, pal! I love you!

The Bees Knees If You Please!

Summers tend to be shorter in Manitoba - so we certainly make sure to enjoy them while we can. We have had some incredibly warm (and humid) weather here in the past while - and a booming thunderstorm always seems to be just on the horizon - and yet to hit us. I have no idea how tropical climate dwellers function.

While the weather is this great, the plants always thrive and the whole of nature reacts in magical ways. I ran headlong into some sort of magic the other morning.....

I was wandering through our garden, looking at the tomatoes, carrots and zuchhini plants when I spotted something I had never seen.

It was a bee on a row marker - but that wasn't the unusual part for me.

This bee was covered - COVERED - in pollen....and he may have been a little anxious to get it off.

My camera was handy! As I was filming, I noticed I was at the wrong end of the bee....and I had been filming 'the bees knees' - too funny.

I recorded the whole thing until I was spotted.......have a peek!

Believe.

Always believe that something wonderful is about to happen.

 

Do you believe that?

 

Now - hold that thought.

 

If you feel it slipping from your mind - reach out for it again.

 

Gently.

 

Be aware - things are about to change.

 

You will notice good things starting to happen - and you may not believe at first.

 

Believe.

 

Now - hold that thought.

Always believe that something wonderful is about to happen.

Do you believe that?

 

See where this is going.....??

 

 

 

Using the Fear - An Update on My Wellness

I have tried to start this blog post several (hundred) times - and I false start every time. I take it more as a challenge than a defeat and remember the words of my only creative writing teacher - 'just start writing.'

So, here goes....

(Mini back story for those who have just joined us)...

At the end of August last year, I developed a blood clot in my leg and didn't know the warning signs so that I could get my ass to a hospital. I was unaware.

This developed into a life threatening pulmonary embolism and a right arm that I could no longer use - not even a little bit. The hospital was way more than required. A week stay and a prescription for Warfarin (the famous rat poison) and I was on my way home.

Months of recovery followed (on my own at home) and my own prescription for stubborn and determination were added to the toolbox I needed to return to wellness.

I attended monthly doctors appointments to check my INR levels and make sure I was on the right path to healing.

So that's the back story.....returning to present time.

The other day I went to my doctor to have my INR checked. It was as it most always is - in between the range of 2.0 and 3.0 - I was a 2.8 that day. I was already having a great day - and it was about to get better.

While I was there, we went over a recommendation letter from the Cancer Care Clinic in Manitoba.

They have a blood lab I attended once for tests in their building in October of 2012. They took almost 30 ml of blood and conducted a bunch of tests - one of which determined I am protein C and protein S deficient. These proteins assist my body in knowing appropriate times to clot my blood (injury, etc) - I just didn't seem to be creating as much as I needed.

So the recommendation letter......

The recommendation is that my 'treatment' on Warfarin is now over. I can stop.

"Just stop?" I asked?

"That's what the letter says," my doctor informed me.

I admit, I was shocked. I had never heard to just stop the blood thinners - not ever - and not by someone who hardly knew about my situation.....I had never actually met the doctor who made the recommendation.

When I first attended the doctor appointments (my own dr.), I was hinted at that I may have to be on Warfarin for my entire life. My heart and spirit sank inside - I let him know that I am not ruling anything out - I will do the best I can with all of the information I have.....

....and that doesn't mean I have to take one doctors word as truth (my medical doctor is a TERRIFIC guy too). I went home sort of confused about the recommendation. Don't misunderstand, I was so happy that this recommendation applied to me! I had heard that pulmonary embolisms never get off Warfarin. I heard a lot of things.

My doctor let me know he had never seen an 'extensive' pulmonary embolism like mine. I told him he probably had never met anyone so determined either. He was extremely understanding, helpful and informative. He really listened and respected not only the questions I asked (no matter how silly they sounded) and explained things so I really understood them. He took the time and I left feeling confident I had accomplished what I arrived to do. That's how a doctor's appointment should be.

It turns out - Warfarin patients are being told to stop cold turkey all over the place. This is how it seems to be done. Forums, talking to Warfarin (Coumadin) patients - they all have verified that their own doctors told them the same thing. I started feeling better about it.

When I got home - I let my guard down and panicked for about 30 seconds. My doctor had told me to go and live my life - to stop the Warfarin and not worry. Watch for warning signs, stay hydrated and be sure to move and exercise. Now that I was home, I checked my Warfarin prescription and realized I had 2 weeks left.

It suddenly seemed like a life bouy I didn't want to let go of. Was I losing my mind? I had wished and hoped to be off of Warfarin for the whole year I was on it - why panic now? Thoughts of my blood coagulating and leaving me a pile of skin n the floor flashed thrugh my mind repeatedly and I realized I had started using fear against myself.

It had to stop.

I talked myself through the logic of the situation and researched some more. Knowledge is power (when you find the right knowledge) and I wanted a full arsenal in this latest chapter of the saga.

I have discovered there are so many other viable blood thinning methods......

Simple things like garlic, onion, cayenne pepper, turmeric - all of these are natural blood thinners. I am also learning about something called Nattokinase.

I wasn't told to add any additional blood thinning agents to my world - I was told to stop taking my prescription and live my life. I can totally do that - although I will still eat blood thinning foods because I enjoy them.

I am an avid online reader - and I find many places that explain my situation (DVT, pulmonary embolism, Warfarin). Although we are each the same with differences (I love that) I can relate to the fear people feel, but I choose not to hang on to it. I will use the fear to power my world, not implode it.

I was given the all clear a couple of weeks ago - and I have yet to stop the Warfarin. I have been in a place where processing the information has to come first. I was not in an emergency situation to go off of it - I asked if I could have this time and there is no harm in taking my meds for an extra couple weeks. I was given the option of staying on it forever (still not a guarantee for anything) - and I know that is not the choice I want to make.

It's almost like standing on the edge of a cliff - knowing you want to jump into that blue water - but holding back for whatever reason you have.

I have Warfarin to last me until Sunday. I feel entirely better - and fearless about the whole thing. I will continue to be aware of my body and all things related. I now begin the climb back up to prescription free! I love that the most! The right arm is 99% better and I move more, hydrate more and live every day gratefully and fully.

There may be folks in my life who hold on to fear and worry when it comes to my situation, but please know that this will not help me at all. Positive thoughts and visualizing me well is what helps the most. Fear can be used for us or against us - I choose to use to move forward and be better.

I stop Warfarin on Sunday, August 18th. I am excited!

Wellness is ours.

Go ahead - Let Go

To let go isn't to forget, not to think about, or ignore.

 

It doesn't leave feelings of anger, jealousy or regret.

 

Letting go isn't winning, and it isn't losing. It's not about pride, and it's not about

how you appear, and it's not obsessing or dwelling on the past.

 

Letting go isn't blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, and

doesn't leave emptiness, hurt or sadness.

 

It's not giving in or giving up.

 

Letting go isn't about loss and it's not defeat. To let go is to cherish

memories, and overcome and move on.

 

It's having an open mind and confidence in the future. Letting go is accepting.

 

 It's learning and experiencing and growing.

 

To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh,

made you cry and made you grow.

 

It's all about all that you have, all that you had and all that you will soon again.

 

Letting go is having the courage to accept change, and the strength to keep moving.

Letting go is 'growing up'. It is realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy.

 

To let go is to open a door, and to clear a path, and to set you free.............



DESIDERATA

Wanna Eat a Petri-Burger?

 
 

It's beef....as we know it. Reddened with beet juice and saffron, the grown tissue was fried up after being researched, developed and created in a petri dish over the course of 5 years.

They kind of resemble the boxed burgers we already have in stores.......

Would you eat it?

I Took a Deep Breath.....

 

Whatever it is.....repeat after me......

 

Today - I commit to 'letting it go.'

Food Disorders - Why Do We Do It - Part Deux.

Yesterday, I talked about myself - as I tend to do here - and we looked at the labelling of food disorders. Not getting into each one individually, I believe the ideas and thoughts of people who deal with these labels are far more important than the label itself.

So why do we do it?

 

Now, I am not labelling myself a former anything - I was a hurt soul in a big confusing world.....and I loved the taste of commercially packaged, deep fried, processed, greasy foods that companies love to sell us. I used food - and it used me. I looked up what some of the precipitating factors are to most (if not all) food 'disorders.' Here's what I found;

 

 

(This compilation courtesy of caring.com)

 

1. Loneliness in all relationships
   a) Inability to experience intimacy

 

2. Presence of fear of authority figures or being controlled by another person
a) Difficulty in maintaining a "sense of self".

3. Possible history of abuse
a) Neglect of emotional needs
b) Verbal Abuse (overt or covert)
c) Sexual Abuse

4. Early "rejection" of the opposite sex

5 . If a male Compulsive Overeater, possible over-identification with mother
a) Over-involved emotionally

6. Tendency towards "Social Anxiety"
a) Tend to isolate and use food as a "friend"
b) After social situations, relieve anxiety by bingeing or overeating

7. A history of "diet failures"

8 . Preference for food instead of other activities
a) Food is friend
b) Food is hobby

9. History of Guilt/Shame
a) Parents used guilt as a form of control
b) Life filled with "shoulds", "oughts", "always" and "nevers"

10. Possible other addictions
a) Sugar
b) Prescription Drugs
c) Alcohol
d) Sex

11. A long-term, unhappy marriage or other significant relationship
a) Food becomes a point of intimacy instead of spouse
b) Food to cope with conflict
c) Food to fill a void

12. Long-standing relationship difficulties
a) Avoidance of conflict

13. Difficulty dealing with Anger
a) Internalization of anger
b) Ends in resentment

14. "Loving Heart" has been damaged (hurt)
a) The compassionate heart is buried, though still present

15. Hunger for acceptance and love

Can we relate to one, two or all of these? That is where we get serious with ourselves.

Now these are also reasons for other things people 'become addicted' do; gambling, sex, prescription medications, food, pornography, sodas, drugs, bad relationships (oh yes, you can be addicted to those too), alcohol....the list is endless. All of these have been labelled as things we can be addicted to.

Just remember, when it is an addiction to shoes, nylon stockings or getting tied up - it's a fetish.
See the difference? Me neither. ;)

Remember a few key things when dealing with any feelings (not food disorders - those come after we can't deal with the feelings);

• Get enough rest and expand positive relationships.
• Take deep breaths, close your eyes, picture yourself in a field or at a beach. Turn on quiet
  music; any method of relaxation helps.
• Begin an enjoyable task or project immediately after eating a meal.
• Carry food to work rather than buying it there. Pack healthy, satisfying food.
• Call a friend who knows about your problem and have him/her just listen.
• Learn your triggers, learn your danger zones.
• Work on your perfectionism. It’s okay to not be perfect about every external matter.

Oh...........and as always - rock your day!

Food 'Disorders' - Why Do We Do It?

Food disorders. Before I even begin this post, those two very powerful words have already instilled some 'notions' in our minds to what we believe food disorders are all about.

The entire 'disorder' breakdown is vast....and tough to decipher. Let's just talk about me instead.....

There was a point in my life where I really, really thought I knew everything. Clearly (very, very clearly now) I was mistaken. I'm still working towards total enlightenment - and isn't that what complete and total knowledge would be?

I remember hearing the term 'food disorder' for the first time in my life. It terrified me - I was raised a huge fan of food and now we had to be scared of it? I wasn't signing up for that one!

I have known self & medically diagnosed bingers, anorexics, bulemics and compulsive eaters. Let me start by saying that these people are people too. There are no judgements here - only observations and a desire to learn.

All of these technical, medical names for food disorders fall into the category of 'issues with food.' When I examine it more closely though, it seems to me that food is only one small facet - a vehicle through the fire so to speak.....so where's the fire?

*Insert smoky fade to the past here.....*

When I was very young, I had no issue with food - I LOVED FOOD - I loved the crepes with strawberries my Nan used to make when we'd visit her - complete with whipped cream and bacon on the side.

My childhood nickname was 'bacon face' and I loved it.....bacon...and the name.

Food was equated with love for me - and I felt really, really loved! I was never hungry - and cheese whiz on white toast always felt like home. In my mind it always will, I just don't have to keep eating it.

Steaks on the BBQ, community town hall dinners bubbling with mashed potatoes and slabs of roast beast....... and pig roasts at family gatherings - the world was filled with delicious food!

As soon as I didn't want to eat it I would be asked, "Do you know there are starving children in Africa?"

I always wanted to reply, 'So send this to them....I don't like liver.'

I never understood that. I wanted to scream that I was full (or it was liver), so give it to a kid who is starving! It made sense to me! Hurry! Africa is a long way away......

I loved getting my driver's licence - fast food drive-thru's were amazing! The bright lights, the thrill of scanning the menus and then - the big payoff. Indigestion in thirty minutes or less.......only it wasn't free.

One day, I realized that 'the collective' human race was teaching me how I should look, think and act. The media did it's job well on me! What I was hearing - it didn't go side by side with the foods I liked at all. I now loved all of this stuff (all the deep fried badness in the world) and now I was being told not to.

I was disappointed - no, I was pissed off - and I became rebellious.

Unfortunately, the flashy colors and media ads had also rooted deep in my cranial areas, and I was still 'hooked on food'. I kept telling myself this and I kept making it so.

I rebelled against those who thought I should look a certain way, how I should view the world and what foods I should and should not eat. My spirit and mind were hurt so I punished my body too.

I didn't eat right unless I was forced to - and the older we get, the less we are made to eat what is best for us. We are expected to learn how to care for ourselves.

Inside, I was terrified to miss a glass of milk in a day because the Canada Food Guide was screaming at me that I needed it. I couldn't stand milk! Cheese - that I could manage - and I would eat all the cheesy pizza I could instead of balancing a meal like we're supposed to. I couldn't stomach coffee, but learned to incorporate ice cold soda into my diet ever single day - more than 12 times a day.

Yes, I think that is a disgusting number too. Cringe away. If you can stomach it, my trek to the path of wellness story can be found here. I'm not saying I'm proud - I'm saying it is a lesson learned and for that, yeah - I am damn proud.

I still never categorized myself as having a 'food disorder.' I would have called it 'some crap going on in my life so I ate good tasting stuff to feel better.'

We can all create reasons to carry the past through to our present and further into our future - but that has actual weight to it! Everyone has a past and I was no different. All of the accumulated 'stuff' in my life hadn't been dealt with. There was a lot - at least there was when I went to sort it all out.

We grow to understand ourselves.

I've done other things as an adult to feel better too; shopping, drinking, smoking, sex. I wouldn't label any of them as 'disorders.' I don't believe any one of them were the driving forces behind why I did any of them. They were outlets available to me at the time for dispersing feelings.

I had many, many usable excuses to fall into bad food habits - but that still wasn't it. I still loved the bad-for-me food. We are meant to love the bad food - it is created so we do. Companies rely on our inability to decipher this for ourselves. I'm not special - or so pathetic that I can never change. Monsanto isn't an issue in the news these days for nothing. The term GMO didn't exist when I started eating bad foods - I was told soda wouldn't hurt me if it was diet. Instinctively, I probably never bought that - but I used it as a reason to carry on doing what I was doing......enjoying ignorance.

Ignorance can get you places you don't want to be - we learn this through experience. I am so excited for life's full range of experiences!

Back to the food.....

What we call 'food' is not even close to what it used to be. We are deceived into believing our food store products can't harm us - and that's just ridiculous nowadays. We know better because we are becoming aware.

The real problem wasn't ONLY the food choices I was making - it was that I wasn't dealing with the real issues in my life - I wasn't learning to love myself so I was drowning the real me in a huge vat of unchanged grease in an attempt to kill her. The choices I was making were for my demise, not my rise! I had to learn to care about what was going on inside my head, put the distractions of the world's negativity aside and face myself head on. I used my rebelliousness against myself for far too many years. It was time to turn the tide. I learned to find the balance.

I used to think food was magical.

Now I know food is magical - because I now realize what real food is.

Rock your day!

Tomorrow: Food 'Disorders' - Why Do We Do It? Part II.